So...I'm taking a break from work to sit by the windows and see some "real" light and it feels like a sigh of relief! Having this whole week almost over feels like a bigger sigh of relief. I didn't want to come to work but I didn't want to use up my days either so I came. Wednesday was the hardest. I didn't want to talk about the miscarriage but at the same time if people didn't ask about it I resented that more and felt like they didn't care. So it was a lose lose situation. I'm glad to have it over with! I also got a ton done. The normal every week stuff for my program was quick and easy and I was able to get e-mails cleaned up, archiving cleaned up, and work on organizing my computer. So that feels great! I love these laid back weeks! I hope this summer will be full of them! =)
I went to the doctor yesterday and she said that they didn't send my "tissue" to pathology because they consider one miscarriage normal. She said that there was a baby but the baby had already died a while ago. She said that she was glad we did the D&C because there was an abnormal amount of blood and it was only a matter of time until I started bleeding. And she said it was so much blood it really would have freaked me out so it was better this way. Now I have to wait 2 months and then we can try again. The waiting is so hard! I still get depressed but I think I'm doing pretty well. It's hard to explain to people but I think anyone who has been pregnant understands (and Kimmy too because she is just really sensitive and compassionate) when you have a baby inside you everything feels different. You feel so special and so in love with the life inside you it's an amazing feeling. It's hard to lose that and to know that that little life didn't make it. But life goes on and I know God is in control and that God is good so I have to trust that.
I hope this 2 months goes by super fast! I had a blood test yesterday and I have another one next week just to make sure my pregnancy hormones go back down to zero. I hope that happens fast because I don't think I will get my period until they do and the sooner I get my period the sooner I can try again! Not to mention I hate blood test. I have had 6 blood tests and 4 pelvics in the last month. I'm so done with all that! Until I get pregnant again that is.
Anyways, I'm going out or staying in with Kim, Mom, and Crystal tonight! (and maybe Corey too! ) So I'm looking forward to that. It is suppose to be nicer on Monday and Tuesday so I hope we can do something fun with Malachy too! Will see...Well anyways that's all for now. Thanks for all your love and support.