Saturday, July 16, 2005

Im feeling Nostalgic

I haven't blogged in a while. I was on Vacation for 11 days. And let me tell you there is NO place like home. (when you have a 9 month old traveling with you!) The highlight of our vacation was seeing Noah, Lauren, and our family in Boston for sure! However I don't think I was prepared for what vacation after kids meant! I will blog more on Vacation later and post some super cute pictures.

Vacation and spending hours upon hours in the car and on the train made me really reflective. I have always been an over thinker when it comes to relationships of any sort. Lately I have been consumed with mistakes and regrets from relationships in the past. Something's are best forgotten but I have a hard time letting anything go. I don't know how to explain it but it feels some what like I owe the memories respect for making me who I am. If I just throw them out it would mean the pain or joy I went thru was meaningless.

At the same time I think I am the healthiest I have ever been emotionally and I don't want to be held back by the past. I rarely spend time "reflecting" out of joy. I reflect when I'm down so I can feel sorry for myself about everything I have lost or ruined. Which is ridiculous because I have more then I have ever imagined possible and I have many more joyful memories then painful ones. I just choose to think about the painful ones. Maybe it's a need for closure or a desire to figure out a way to fix it. I think I really know that's all just an excuse to indulge and wallow in painful memories that have nothing to do with who I am today and only hold me back from the joy God intended me to have and the joy my family deserves from me.

Hmmmm....Reading that back to myself I think it comes off heavier then I intended it to be. I'm just thinking on "paper" and it's not as serious as it sounds. I feel really great about my life right now especially my new Harry Potter book which I should be reading while Malachys being soooo good! So I better get going.


Meghan said...

We want vacation pictures! More Malachy! I can't get enough of that sweet face.

thekooiet said...

Enjoy your devil book! (you know I'm kidding:), well not %100 kidding:)) I'm so glad you had a wonderful vacation! I look forward to see some pics too!

Crystal said...

I wish that Kooi would visit my blog once in awhile!!!



Crystal said...
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