OK, so after last weeks rant on every one giving me parenting advice Marks cousin (who I adore) Polly visited. Not knowing that I was fed up with all the judgements she informed me that her and her Mom (Marks aunt) had been talking about how hard it must be for us having to get up with Malachy all the time she told me they all feel so sorry for me...argghhh!! she continued to give me all the advice that everyone has already given me about how we should be putting Malachy to sleep.
They were here well after his bed time and I was feeling judged and akward...So in an act of desperation I left Malachy all alone in his crib! =( and he cried for over an hour!!! Not a little whining cry but full out screaming, snot running down his face, chocking on his tears cried!! When he finally fell asleep it was only out of sheer exhaution from the screaming and he woke up every hour and cried some more. I felt like the saddest Mommy ever! I couldn't sleep a wink, I just wanted to go hug him and tell him, "I'm still here...I still love you!" Soooo sad! Night 2, was alittle better...it was not 1 hours of consistent crying just 2 hours of on and off crying ( I think he had learned to save his energy and pro-long my suffering!) However I did feel somewhat better because he had survived night one. Last night was night 3. He only cried on and off for about 45 mins and although I was alittle sad I was too tired to care too much. Tonight, night 4 I put him down with a bottle and havent heard a peep out of him yet!!
Yea! Mission accomplished! I do feel much better and I will say you were all right!! I had already known that you were...I read all the books too! But it's alot easier said then done...especially with your first little baby and when you suffer from sever anxiety like I do! But I'm glad that part of the parenting adventure is over. Just pray for me that I don't have to start all over after our trip to Iowa later this month.
In reference to my previous post about parenting...I just want to say that I appreciate the various encouragement, apologies and explanations I had received from many of you. You are ALL my dear friends and I know everything that was said was said with the best of intentions. I honestly wasn't angry with any one person. I was just angry with the situation and was feeling judged by the people who's opinons matter most too me. Wether it be friends, family, or fellow Mommys...I value your friendships a great deal and encourage you to challange me when you feel so called. Just be warned I may freak out occasionaly! Thanks for your love and support =)