Thursday, June 02, 2005

Not much to say I guess....just the same as all the rest when your trying to throw your arms around the world

Kim needed a day of rest today, so I stayed home from work so she wouldn't have to watch Malachy. Malachy's been super cute! He just fell asleep all curled up in my lap! I quickly put him down and took my chance to get a blog entry in.

Malachy went to my parents last night so we could all attend New Community. This time he didn't roll off the table..yea!! New Com was good, there was a guest Worship leader and he was GREAT!! The message was good...what I took away from it was similar to last week for me. A reminder to extend love.

During worship, we sang Crystal's favorite song..."Blessed be the name" And the words "he gives and takes away" and "though there is pain in the offering my heart will choose to say blessed be thy name" stuck in my head. At first I was thinking of myself and what has the Lord taken away from me this year??? Mostly my pride here and there. Then I thought about not being able to be at home with Malachy and how I will never get these days back. I thought about losing Mace and how Malachy will never get to know him on this side of heaven, how hard those days in the hospice in Iowa were. How our community lost one of it's brightest stars this year and there is so much pain, confusion, and sorrow surrounding that loss. How some people I really loved working with transitioned out of staff at Willow. How for reasons I don't understand a significant part of the younger generation at church seems to be full of bitterness and anger. I thought of all the people who were hurting more then me and I started to feel guilty for the good things in my life. Because despite all the hard times, for me this year has had more joy then sorrow. At first I felt so guilty and almost embarrassed and scared. I still haven't figured out where to put those feelings. However I do know the Bible says there is a season for everything and if this is my season for rejoicing I don't want to miss it out of guilt or embarrassment! I have to thank God, Having Malachy was such a huge gift, my Job has been a big blessing not only to me but to people in my family. Mace's courage in the end was so powerful to me. The example of hurting people in our community has boosted my faith and given me strength. And the brokenness of the youngsters has strengthened my resolve to fight resentment, to let the little things go, and try to find hope in every situation. Those things are worth celebrating!

5 comments:

Crystal said...

Amen. <-not a sarcastic amen.

I wish I knew you were home today. I would have walked over to see you. The pool was closed today. =o( It sounds like you are having good alone time with Mallie.

Johnny Newt said...

I just had to stop here when i read that one of your favorite movies is The last Unicorn . I thought I was the only one that saw that movie ! You have a very cute family. they obviously take after you !

Kim Traynor said...

Hi Steph, this was a great post! It has been a crazy couple of years, hasn't it? Keep the gratitude attitude...dude. Sorry, I couldnt stop myself. Seriously though, I agree.

seegeepee said...

Dont forget the baby weight. You lost that. Go ahead and feel bitter and angry about it; I dare ya.

Steph Stanger said...

oh yea that's funny I didn't even remember about being sick and having surgery! I've gained 8lbs since my surgery! But Burger King is so worth it!